Somewhere Over the Rainbow

February 26, 2009

There was a beautiful rainbow that appeared yesterday evening. On closer inspection, there were two! One really pretty bright one, the other slightly dimmer.

It was almost like that time when I just came out of the relationship. I was down in the dumps, crying non stop for days until my best guy friend intervened and took me to the beach. And there it was, a single firework. It was a sign that everything was going to be aye okay.

But when I saw that rainbow, I thought of him.

I couldn’t resist but to send him a picture of it.

Later at night, he sent me a picture of a stick-man standing beneath a rainbow.

I cried for hours and hours on end. I can’t recall what time I got to sleep.

My eyes were swollen and puffy in the morning. It sure hurts to see love fall apart.

I killed my xanga and I started this new blog because I was sick of having everyone asking me about my life.
This is private and the only two readers are Pep and possibly Jacelyn.
I didn’t want any of my friends to know the state I’m in right now.

Everyone’s so used to me being that stone cold, rational, disillusioned, cynical, heartless bitch.
I’m not.
It’s just a persona I put on to hide all the insecurities and loneliness inside.

For the very first time in my life, I just want to be vincible.


Just a little training

February 25, 2009

Today’s my 2nd pill-free day.

I’ve decided to go au-natural after watching Oprah. Those chemicals simply just don’t work. I still feel almost suicidal even after taking them.

My Routine:

715am: Wake up with a stretch and a big yawn
720am: Smile!
730am: Listen to happy music while primping
Throughout the day: Tell myself, “A breakup doesn’t kill you. Be glad you’re still drinking a mocha latte.”
Periodically: Smile!
11pm: My little quiet time with the Big Man
1110pm: Read the Bible
1130pm: Clear my head for 2 minutes and just listen to the silence

“Although an individual may be born with a predisposition toward gloominess or anxiety, the emotional floor plan can be altered, the brain’s furniture moved to a more felicitous arrangement; with a little training, you can coax a fretful mind toward a happier outlook.”


February 18, 2009

He never gave up on me.
He’s patient with me and speaks to me in his own special way despite my numerous attempts to slide away.
He’s never angry with me.
He forgives me again and again,
and takes me back into his arms with loving joy.
He Loves.