Serial Mover

March 10, 2009

Now at Blogspot.

CandystripeMe

I love how wordpress works, the clean layout and the white-and-grey colour scheme. But the templates are horrible and I’m too much of a tech idiot to tweak the non-wordpress templates to fit my blog. So I’ve moved to blogspot which provides the kind of clean white-and-grey blog template I fancy.

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March 5, 2009

I’ve cut myself loose.

I have been feeling fine since we last made contact. Sure, I was teary-eyed after the meeting and I hugged him like I couldn’t let go. But I knew that was it.

I called him 2 days ago, and I knew.. He had no more feelings left in his stone-cold heart.

I texted him, and I told him I’m moving on.

So far so good. I’m up and running like a good human being.

It doesn’t feel good. But it feels free.

March 2, 2009

It’s funny how my career and my love life is inversely related.
2 years ago, I had the best boyfriend in the entire world but the worst gig in the entire universe and beyond. He was attentive, bought me chocolates while dining out with friends, caught me tiny froggies for breakfast. But I worked from 3pm to 3am, no fun on fridays and a screaming boss.
2 years later, he turned into a flirtatious, attention-seeking, closet ah-beng and we broke up.
Whereas, I found a job I loved. It paid well, entails free lunches and drinks (and I’m the client) and my ex boss sends me emails to check up on me.

Is this supposed to be a choice?

Drama

March 1, 2009

I watched Kim Sam Soon a few years back, and I loved the romance, the humour and the good looking guys. I loved Sam Soon and I couldn’t tolerate that skinny ex girlfriend.

I decided to re-watch it because I needed a dose of drama to distract me from reality. It was disturbing watching it the second time round. I seemed to emphatise with the pretty skinny ex girlfriend this time round.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

February 26, 2009

There was a beautiful rainbow that appeared yesterday evening. On closer inspection, there were two! One really pretty bright one, the other slightly dimmer.

It was almost like that time when I just came out of the relationship. I was down in the dumps, crying non stop for days until my best guy friend intervened and took me to the beach. And there it was, a single firework. It was a sign that everything was going to be aye okay.

But when I saw that rainbow, I thought of him.

I couldn’t resist but to send him a picture of it.

Later at night, he sent me a picture of a stick-man standing beneath a rainbow.

I cried for hours and hours on end. I can’t recall what time I got to sleep.

My eyes were swollen and puffy in the morning. It sure hurts to see love fall apart.

I killed my xanga and I started this new blog because I was sick of having everyone asking me about my life.
This is private and the only two readers are Pep and possibly Jacelyn.
I didn’t want any of my friends to know the state I’m in right now.

Everyone’s so used to me being that stone cold, rational, disillusioned, cynical, heartless bitch.
I’m not.
It’s just a persona I put on to hide all the insecurities and loneliness inside.

For the very first time in my life, I just want to be vincible.

Just a little training

February 25, 2009

Today’s my 2nd pill-free day.

I’ve decided to go au-natural after watching Oprah. Those chemicals simply just don’t work. I still feel almost suicidal even after taking them.

My Routine:

715am: Wake up with a stretch and a big yawn
720am: Smile!
730am: Listen to happy music while primping
Throughout the day: Tell myself, “A breakup doesn’t kill you. Be glad you’re still drinking a mocha latte.”
Periodically: Smile!
11pm: My little quiet time with the Big Man
1110pm: Read the Bible
1130pm: Clear my head for 2 minutes and just listen to the silence

“Although an individual may be born with a predisposition toward gloominess or anxiety, the emotional floor plan can be altered, the brain’s furniture moved to a more felicitous arrangement; with a little training, you can coax a fretful mind toward a happier outlook.”

It Pours

February 23, 2009

A storm is raging outside.
I have this urge to stand amidst the downpour
and cleanse myself of all the suffering.
I want to be the blackbirds ruffling their wet feathers on the tree branch.
I want to be the peace and calm out in the angry rain.